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#102 -- You Who Sail the Sea in Ships
#211 -- The Cactus Way: A Cowboy Song
#90 -- Beware of Beyance Burglars



#102, You Who Sail The Sea In Ships

You, who sail the sea in ships,
Listen to these sailing tips--
Sound advice for your own good,
To help you sail the way you should:

Never sail without a boat.
It's awfully hard to stay afloat--
Unless, of course, your friends have urged
That you should try to sail submerged.

Yo, ho, ho; yo, ho, ho;
Yo, ho, ho, ho; ho.

Another rule is don't forget
That water's best when it is wet.
But if by chance you find it dry,
There are some ways to get you by:

Either smear your hull with oil,
So you can slide across the soil;
Or tie your boat beside the quai
And wait to sail another day.

Yo, ho, ho; yo, ho, ho;
Yo, ho, ho, ho; ho.

But most of all may I suggest
A rule I hold to be the best:

For adults:
To make your sailing free of fear,
Take along a case of beer.

For children:
To make your sailing free of fear,
Wait to sail another year.

So, now you know these sailing tips,
You, who sail the sea in ships.
The wisdom comes, you understand,
From years of watching from the land.

Yo, ho, ho; yo, ho, ho;
Yo, ho, ho, ho; ho.

(c) 2009 Estate of Hal Wingard; July 11, 1980. Words written while walking the afternoon away on Navy Pier, Chicago, July 6, 1980


#211, The Cactus Way: A Cowboy Song

If you enter fields of cactus,
You will get a lot of practice
Pullin' needles from your unprotected toes.
To avoid a life that's prickly,
My advice to you is quickly
Move away from any place where cactus grows.

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Move away. Move away.
Or you'll rue the day you went the cactus way.

You'll be wooin' cactus danger,
If, with any new-found stranger,
You begin to argue deep theology.
Any such profound discussion
Will be sure to get you rushin'
To a place where cactus fields are bound to be.

Move away. Move away.
Or you'll rue the day you went the cactus way.

You'll encounter cactus growin'
When a friend of yours starts showin'
Fancy paintings he has proudly just acquired.
And then you, with voice that's sunny,
Say you wonder how much money
Has been wasted buyin' works so uninspired.

Move away. Move away.
Or you'll rue the day you went the cactus way.

You'll find cactus fields aboundin'
Any time that you start houndin'
Other folks to do the things that you desire.
Any naggin' when once started
Only leads through fields uncharted,
Where the cactus prickles burn like devil's fire.

Move away. Move away.
Or you'll rue the day you went the cactus way.

If you enter fields of cactus,
You will get a lot of practice
Pullin' needles from your unprotected toes.
To avoid a life that's prickly,
My advice to you is quickly
Move away from any place where cactus grows.

(c) 2009 Estate of Hal Wingard; To Myla December 19, 1991.
Words begun December 17, 1991, on a flight from San Diego to San Francisco and completed on the return flight the next day.


#90, Beware of Beyance Burglars

Beware of beyance burglars--
A most malicious bunch.
They’ll rob your beyance when you’re home
Or when you’re out to lunch.

So, if you own a beyance--
There’s this that you must do.
Be sure to keep it under guard
Away from public view.

Then only when you’re certain
It’s under safe surveillance,
Can you protect the wealth you own
And hold it in a beyance. . .
. . .hold it in a beyance.



(c) 2009 Estate of Hal Wingard, March 12, 1980


**

Hal Wingard died May 25, 2009 at age 83 in San Diego. He was an educator who specialized in methodologies for foreign language teaching and had served on the California State Curriculum Commission. His wife, Eileen, a retired symphony violinist and occasional contributor to San Diego Jewish World, survives him, along with three daughters and a son.