|
SAN DIEGO—Here are three cautionary culinary tales, composed by Hal after memorable dining experiernces. To hear other songs in the Wingard collection, please click here. To hear this week's selection, please click on the title of the song (above the lyrics)
#185 -- Paco's Restaurant
#130 -- Speedy Eater Inn
#166 -- Praise Maguey
#185, Paco's Restaurant
I wandered into Paco's,
A restaurant well-known
For tacos , enchiladas ,
And combinación .
But when I found the hostess,
She had no table free.
The wait, she said, was somewhat long:
Two hours, maybe three.
If you should drink the salsa
At Paco's restaurant,
Results may be exciting,
But not…quite what…you want!
Well, I was pained with hunger.
No way that I could wait
And waste away to nothing,
Starvation as my fate.
By luck I spied a table
Where waiters kept supplies,
And on it sat a salsa pot--
A sight for starving eyes.
If you should drink the salsa
At Paco's restaurant,
Results may be exciting,
But not…quite what…you want!
I quickly took a coffee cup
And dipped it in the pot.
I filled it full of salsa
And drank it on the spot.
The moment that I swallowed
The last picante drop
My mouth became a blow torch
Whose flaming wouldn't stop.
My nostrils started smoking.
My ears began to glow.
Then all of me erupted
In a hot volcanic flow.
If you should drink the salsa
At Paco's restaurant,
Results may be exciting,
But not…quite what…you want!
#130, Speedy Eater Inn
What you need is faster speed
Whenever you eat out.
Speedy Eater Fast Food Inn
Will make it come about.
Speedy Eater Fast Food Inn
Deserves its reputation.
Gourmet meals are served up fast--
The fastest in the nation.
Go to top of next column
|
|
Speedy Eater Inn; speedy eater out.
Speedy Eater Inn; speedy eater out.
Jog on in and you will see
The menus on the wall.
Make your choice while on the run,
And you won't wait at all.
Below each menu you will find
A friendly microphone.
Quickly name the food you want
And listen for a tone.
Speedy Eater Inn; speedy eater out.
Speedy Eater Inn; speedy eater out.
The cost will flash across a screen
In blinking red display.
Your meal will slide out from a slot
The moment that you pay.
Grab your food and run outside
Assured there'll be no question.
Before you take a single bite,
You'll burp with indigestion.
Speedy Eater Inn; speedy eater out.
Speedy Eater Inn; speedy eater out.
Speedy Eater Fast Food Inn
Deserves its reputation.
Gourmet meals are served up fast--
The fastest in the nation.
Ev'ry meal will please you twice,
Ev'ry time you sup:
First is when you gulp it down,
Then when you throw it up.
Speedy Eater Inn; speedy eater out.
Speedy Eater Inn; speedy eater out.
(c) 2009 Estate of Hal Wingard; June 13, 1981
#166, Praise Maguey
Praise maguey! Bless the juice, juice!
I need a glass to be loose, loose.
Tequila!
A bit of salt and a bit of lime
And the drink will work almost anytime.
Tequila!
Where's my love? I don't know, know.
She never said she would go, go.
Tequila!
A bit of salt and a bit of lime
And the drink will work almost anytime.
Tequila!
I feel lost now she's gone, gone.
I need the help to go on, on.
Tequila!
A bit of salt and a bit of lime
And the drink will work almost anytime.
Tequila!
As the pain lingers years, years,
I fill each glass with my tears, tears.
Tequila!
A bit of salt and a bit of lime
And the drink will work almost anytime.
Tequila!
Praise maguey! Bless the juice, juice!
I need a glass to be loose, loose.
Tequila. . . . . . . . . .tequila!
**
|
