SAN DIEGO–From Hal's daughter, Harriet Wingard: Here are "a few opinions about a few things..." To hear previously published songs, click here. To hear the songs below, please click on the titles above the lyrics.

#181 -- America
#318 -- Bottles and Bags
#268 -- Toilet Paper Rolls


#181, America

America, America,                                                     
You're in a mighty mess!
You've lost your sense of elegance,
Neglected how you dress.

            Where's your flair for fancy?
            Where'd invention go:
            Western boots, fedoras,
            Pumps with pointed toe,
            Flapper hats and rhinestones,
            Capes of flowing grace,
            Canes and beaded bracelets,
            Cuffs of frilly lace?

America, America,                                                     
You're in a mighty mess!
You've lost your sense of elegance,
Neglected how you dress.

            Instead, you wear your clothing
            In tasteless uniform,
            With ev'ryone adhering
            To an uncreative norm:
            A T-shirt with inscription,
            Jeans of denim blue,
            Baseball caps of plastic,
            And canvas-covered shoe.

America, America,                                                     
If really you don't care,
Then why not drop your outer garb
And go in underwear?

(c) Estate of Hal Wingard, March 14, 1985.


#318, Bottles and Bags

Most bottles and jars are better than bags.
      They beat bags in so many ways.
I marvel that bags are used now at all.
      They surely face limited days.

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A bottle or jar is solid to touch,
      Not subject to tears or deep folds.
A bottle has shape, with style in design.
      It's easy to see what it holds.

When contents of bags are heavy or full,
      The bottom is likely to sag.
You always can bag a bottle you buy,
      But just try to bottle a bag!
A bag, if it's paper and gets itself wet,
      Is useless as pie without crust;
But one can put bottles outside in the rain
      With no fear the bottles will bust.

It's easy to see why shoppers agree
     That bottles beat bag use by far,
And why, when they buy their pickles and jam,
      It's not in a bag, but a jar.

(c) Estate of Hal Wingard, January 24, 2006; Words written January 15, 1996, on a flight from San Diego to San Francisco, then on to Seattle. 

#268, Toilet Paper Rolls

Of all the things we do in life
That cause us daily strain and strife
There’s one that brings us stress untold:
How toilet paper gets unrolled.

All those who peel the roll from back                        
Can’t help but suffer heart attack
When they must do the crazy stunt
Of peeling sheets from off the front.

And frontal peelers shake with fear
When facing rolls that peel from rear.
Thus, front or back, our whole life long
We run the risk of rolls set wrong.

And when a roll’s not placed our way,
We suffer stress that lasts all day.
The only saving grace I know
Is bring your own roll when you go.
            When you go.

(c) Estate of Hal Wingard, May 11, 1998.; Words completed March 25, 1996, on flight from San Diego to San Francisco and at Belle Saison Restaurant in San Francisco.

Hal Wingard died May 25, 2009 at age 83 in San Diego. He was an educator who specialized in methodologies for foreign language teaching and had served on the California State Curriculum Commission. His wife, Eileen, a retired symphony violinist and occasional contributor to San Diego Jewish World, survives him, along with three daughters and a son.