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Rabbinic Insights: Memory Banks
San Diego Jewish Times,
April 7, 2006
By Rabbi Wayne Dosick
Not
long ago, I officiated at the funeral of an old, old friend, who died much, much
too young.
At
the shiva house, people began telling stories of this woman's life. Her second
son (one of three beautiful children) who is now in his late 30s, with a family
of his own, recalled that when he was in 6th or 7th grade,
all the boys in his class from school decided to run away from home.
He
said that all the guys gathered at the school playground about 5 o'clock one
Saturday afternoon. They all had their backpacks filled with their
"stuff all their precious possessions that they were taking with
them. To bolster their resolve, with great bravado, they talked about how
terrible things were at home how nagging, and miserable, aloof, and
unsympathetic their parents were to them. This litany of complaints went on for
several minutes, as the young boys gathered up their courage to actually begin
their journey running away from home.
Our friend who was telling this story then said, "You know, I listened to
all my friends talk about how terrible it was for them at home, and how awful
their parents were, and I thought to myself, 'It's not like that for me. My
family is actually pretty okay. My older brother and little sister can be a pain
sometimes, but, basically, they are good kids. And, my parents are pretty nice,
most of the time. They treat me pretty well. And even when they nag, and they're
not cool, I know that they love me.' So, I decide not to run away from home.
There was not really anything to run away from."
His
dear mother could not hear this story in her backyard here on Earth, but she
surely heard it from the Heavenly realms, where she was at the right hand of
God, receiving the rest and the reward she so richly deserves. What naches! Here
was her kid, who loved her enough not just in mourning for his deceased
mother, but when she was alive that he did not run away from home with his
young friends.
We create memory banks for our children in the ordinary and the everyday, and we
create memory banks for our children at moments of high significance and
celebration.
The
festival of Pesach which in one form or another is the most observed of all
Jewish holidays is the perfect time to fill our children with rich and
wonderful memories.
When you gather around your seder table, you create memories of the warmth of
family and friendships. When you recite the centuries-old words and participate
in the ancient rituals, you create Jewish memories. It does not matter if your
children who come to seder are six or sixty and indeed, for the sixty-year
olds, the newly created memories become richer than ever, as the time for
creating those memories around that table with those people grows shorter.
When
your young children join you in creating new "traditions" and new
memories, you seed and nourish the memories that will delight and sustain them
when they are grown up and when they begin the process all over again with
their children.
The
memory bank that you create for your children is their "permanent
record." It is your history and your posterity. It is their inheritance and
their destiny.
And
yet, as family centered, as child centered as Passover is, we don't want to
infantilize it. We don't want Pesach to be "just for the children."
The
haggadah relates that Rabbi Eliezer, Rabbi Yehoshua, Rabbi Elazar ben Azaryah,
Rabbi Akiva and Rabbi Tarfon were sitting at the seder in B'nai Brak. Their
conversations and stories and discussions were so intense that they talked all
night, until their students came and said, "Our teachers, it is daybreak
time to recite the morning S'hma."
The
text does not say that there were children present; if they were, they had all
already gone to bed, or had fallen asleep at the table. But, if there were
children present, the part of the seder that centered around them was long, long
over when the sages stayed up all night talking. It was adult time; it was time
for important, "grown-up" issues.
There are many in our midst who will be having seder this year without any
children present. So, I want to invite you to imitate the sages of the haggadah,
and make your seder into an adult seder. Certainly you will want to read some of
the words and do some of the rituals that the haggadah proscribes. But you do
not have to replicate all the parts of the haggadah that are child-centered,
that lead the children to ask and be answered, so that they can learn of the
holiday and its observance.
Instead
you can have a real "adult seder." You can discuss the ideas that the
haggadah raises, because Pesach is rich with real issues of human existence:
slavery and freedom, freedom and responsibility, light and dark, good and evil,
right and wrong.
Some
say that the sages of the haggadah were discussing the dire political situation
of their day, and garnering wisdom from the political situation of the ancient
Hebrews. You can do the same. You can talk about war and peace, the qualities of
leadership, hardened hearts, the ills that plague us, and the plagues that come
our way or that we induce. You can talk about cause and effect, means
justifying ends or not. You can talk about the alluring sweetness of
imprisonment, and of breaking the barriers. You can talk about the "narrow
places," and about the "puffed up" egos that need be broken. You
can talk about the end to discrimination and intolerance. You can talk about
God's role in your life and the life of your people and your world. You can talk
about miracles.
"Pesach
isn't just for kids." Pesach is for everyone who cares about the human
condition. And there are many, many ways to observe and celebrate.
And
to your seder this year whatever kind of seder you make or attend I
invite you to add this prayer for anchoring in miracles.
We
need miracles so very, very much. So, please say this prayer. Let grace and
blessings rain upon us.
Let
grace and blessings reign within us.
Let
grace and blessing emanate from our Beings.
A
gutten Pesach, a zissen
Pesach, my friends. Good Yontif. Good Pesach.