San Diego, CA (special) -- They may differ on matters of theology, but rabbis from three streams of Judaism agree on one thing: it's important to make their synagogues more "user friendly."

 A "lunch and learn" panel sponsored Tuesday, May 26, by the United Jewish Federation brought together Chabad Rabbi Yonah Fradkin with Reform Rabbis Martin S. Lawson and Jonathan Stein and Conservative Rabbis Leonard Rosenthal and Arthur Zuckerman.

Lawson, spiritual leader of Temple Emanu-El, where the session was held, said that all synagogues need to do a better job making newcomers feel welcome. "How many of you have gone to a new synagogue...and no one ever said hello to you?" he asked the group, which met in his congregational library. "Most congregations, be they big or small, have people who tend to cluster in clics or groups, so one of the the first things that I

Rabbis Lawson, Fradkin, Stein, Rosenthal,  Zuckerman

think we have to do is break down some of that clickishness in synagogue life and extend ourselves out to those people..."

Fradkin, San Diego regional director of Chabad, told of a group of students from the Chabad Hebrew Academy who went on a class trip to New York. Although they visited such sites as the Statue of Liberty and the Empire State Building, he said when they came home what they talked most excitedly about was attending Shabbat services at the main Lubavitcher synagogue in the Crown Heights section of Brooklyn.

The secret, he said, was that each student was paired with an older student from Crown Heights who was able to explain nuances of the service and provide 1:1 attention.

Stein , the senior rabbi of Congregation Beth Israel, said personal touches are very important, whether they be in the friendliness of the receptionist who answers the synagogue's telephone or in the greeting that the rabbi, staff member or fellow congregant gives to worshipers as they arrive for services.

Rosenthal, spiritual leader of  Tifereth Israel Synagogue, agreed that greeting newcomers is very important. "After a Shabbat service if I see someone, who I don't recognize, standing by themselves, I go 'ohhhhh,' because it means that we are not being successful; that is someone who is not going to feel warm, not going to feel welcome. Chances are that person is not going to come back very quickly."

Zuckerman, spiritual leader of Congregation Beth Am, said in the last seven years his congregation has tripled to 575 families. Part of the reason, he said, is because Beth Am is located in an area of Jewish population growth. "But I have to believe...that if (staff) people were not making themselves available, it just wouldn't work."

Rabbis Fradkin and Stein both made the point that rabbis have to be flexible when they deal with their congregants' problems.

"There are four books of the Shulchan Aruch (a compilation of Jewish law)," Fradkin said. "But they say a good rabbi is the one who knows the fifth volume....The fifth one is called common sense. "

When a woman comes to ask a rabbi if her chicken is kosher, "a good rabbi looks at the woman, he doesn't look at the chicken," Fradkin said. "Why? Maybe she is poor. Maybe she needs some help. Maybe for her it is kosher. It will be kosher. God will accept it from her. Maybe for the other one you have to be a little bit the other way." 

Reaching out involves "innovation," Fradkin said. "Getting to the neshumah (soul). Seeing a person coming into the synagogue. Being focused on what their needs are. Having the compassion. Being a mensch (caring person)."

Said Stein: "I spend a lot of my life trying to find a way to maintain my integrity and bend the rules. There is nothing like that to make you feel that the institution is not putting you into a policy box...but instead is responding to you as a human being."

Lawson said congregations, too, need individualized attention in having prayer services adapted specifically to their needs rather than simply using the same siddur (prayer book) that is used everywhere else.

"What we need to do is get away from fixed prayers, because I watch the congregation and their eyes glaze over," Lawson said. "They become almost robotic. " He said a husband and wife rabbinical team at Temple Emanu-El of Los Angeles, Rabbis Janet and Shelley Marder, each week create "a flexible siddur, including children's drawings. That is what prayer is--something that is vital and changing." 

Lawson said his own congregation has created such a loose leaf siddur for Saturday morning services, and soon will develop another for Friday night services.

Rosenthal said "critical mass" often is necessary to make a prayer service meaningful for worshipers. He said he didn't mean that in terms of numbers, but closeness. For example, he said, there are times when 40 50 people will decide to hold their services in Tifereth Israel's small chapel rather than in the main sanctuary. "These are beautiful services because people feel one another's presence," he said.

Zuckerman said he always is amazed by how "mesmerized" American congregations seem to be by the havdalah service, which marks the end of Shabbat. Although the service is only seven minutes long, it involves many senses: hearing the blessings, smelling the spices, seeing the candles lit.

While the rabbis agreed that they need to reach out to their members, they also struck some cautionary notes.

"We are in the business to serve, but not just to serve the Jewish people but to serve God as well," Rosenthal said.

"There is a delicate balancing act that goes on," Stein said. "It is the congregation's responsibility to be supportive and have rachmanis (compassion) and have resources available but it your responsibility to be honest and to be a full participant, and it is your responsibility not to try to weasel out of financial contributions that you could make."