2003-08-08 Jewish Day Schools in San Diego
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Goal of day schools is honorable menschen |
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2003-08-08 Jewish Day Schools in San Diego |
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By Donald H. Harrison There's a secret about the five Jewish day schools in San Diego County that parents really ought to know: These schools don't want simply to educate your child. They also want to instruct you — and their religious and secular faculty members too — in the ways of menschlekeit. A mensch in Yiddish is a good person; menschlekeit is living the life of a good person. In Hebrew, the concept is called derech eretz — literally meaning "the way of the land" but colloquially meaning "politeness and concern for others." The San Diego County Jewish day schools include Soille San Diego Hebrew Day School, Torah High School and Chabad Hebrew Academy, which all are Orthodox institutions; Beth Israel Day School, which is Reform, and the San Diego Jewish Academy, an institution with Conservative roots that considers itself respectful of all movements but affiliated with none. These schools occupy different positions on the wide spectrum of Jewish religious belief, but they are united concerning the need to encourage high moral character. "I have a recommendation for parents," Rabbi Simcha Weiser, headmaster of the Soille San Diego Hebrew Day School, told Heritage. "Go to any school and look at the upper level of that school. Watch the students for a half-hour. See them as they walk down the hall and how they talk to each other. You can tell whether that school is a place that has an uplift to it, bringing out the best in their kids." Rabbi Michoel Peikes, dean of Torah High School, said visitors to the all-girls school are struck immediately by the strong sense of community among the students, the feeling that all the girls really care about each other. Getting students to respect and to be kind to each other is not something that can be taught out of a book. "Children learn by example," notes Dr. Ivan Lerner, the new superintendent of education for Chabad Hebrew Academy. "There is no such thing as 'Do as I say, not as I do.' Children look to their teachers and to their parents, and if these are people who conduct themselves in a manner which is menschlik — caring, kind, sensitive— then the children learn to be caring, kind, sensitive." Dr. Harvey Raben, education director of Beth Israel Day School, says he uses an acronym for the word "Torah" in order to help students learn the concepts underlying derech eretz. T — tolerance, trust O— openness R — respect, righteous living, responsiblity A— academic excellence H— honesty, humility, humor The concept of derech eretz must permeate a school's way of doing business, says Larry Acheatal, executive director of the San Diego Jewish Academy. Not only in the classroom should students be taught the proper way to treat others, they must also be taught informally — through "assemblies, interactions on the playground, and how they are dealt with." Teaching the parents Faye Snyder, preschool director at Soille San Diego Hebrew Day School, says learning how to care for others can start with a child's earliest development. "The way you speak to a child is very critical, along with the way they speak to you and the way they react to other people," says Snyder, who this year will inaugurate "Mommy and Me" classes for parents and children between the ages of 6 months and 24 months. "Instead of telling a child who crawls through a play tunnel 'good job' and then going back to what you are doing, it's important to say something like, 'Look how you are crawling through the tunnel! Look, you made it! You did it! Good for you!" "Four sentences are better than one," she explains, "because you are taking time to describe to the child. It shows that you are noticing. The child realizes that you are paying attention to him or her, and thinks 'I am worthy of your attention' The phrase 'good job' by itself is a cliche." Children in Soille's kindergarten through eighth grades might find notes from their parents posted on the school's bulletin boards. Parents are encouraged to send in cards telling about behaviors at home that they really appreciated. "It is not with the idea of showing off, but taking pride in doing something valuable," Weiser comments. Lerner, the Chabad Hebrew Academy superintendent, suggests that "the greatest gift that mothers and fathers can give to their children is to show that they respect each other. When children see that Mom and Dad have respect for each other, they will learn respect through that role modeling." Raben, the Beth Israel Day School director, emphasizes to parents the importance of building "a responsible community of kovod (honor for each other), and Acheatel says the San Diego Jewish Academy is developing a parent and family education component "to help parents reinforce what we are trying to teach in school." The program, he says, is being designed to ³help parents with parenting issues and providing opportunities that are age-specific for their children.² Teaching the teachers "All of us dress up when we go to see someone important," Weiser says. At Soille, therefore, faculty members are asked to always dress in a professional manner in order to demonstrate both respect for learning and for the students themselves. That respect for the children also must be demonstrated in the way teachers and administrators talk to each other about the children, Weiser says. "You must talk respectfully about the children, even if they are not in the room." Alluding to the same process, Raben said at Beth Israel Day School if a staff discussion ever should fail to maintain proper respect for a student, someone in the room will say, "You know, we are getting close to gossiping here, to lashon hara." Lerner said similarly: "It is really important that our teachers and everyone who interfaces with children conduct themselves in a way that they are aware that they are constantly modeling." Peikes said Torah High School is benefited by teaching visits from young women who are recent graduates of Israeli teachers' seminaries. "We are very fortunate because the girls see how respectful they are and how they treat the girls in and out of school." Older children as role models Beth Israel Day School has encouraged a "buddy" system in which children in its fourth-through-sixth-grade grouping will serve as mentors or friends for a child in kindergarten. "It is something that we really emphasize and the kids have responded to marvelously," Raben said. At school assemblies, older and younger students commonly will sit together. San Diego Jewish Academy students of the middle and high school levels travel periodically to the VIP Village in Imperial Beach, where they read to, collect food for and become friends with "Very Important Preschoolers." While an Orthodox institution, Torah High School conducts classes on the grounds of Congregation Beth Israel, a Reform congregation. As classrooms, laboratories, computer facilities and the library are used by both schools— as well as by Beth Israel¹s supplemental religious school — students from all three schools come into contact with each other. Rabbi Peikes says he was particularly pleased one day when he saw one of his students voluntarily filling in for a few moments for a Beth Israel Day School teacher who had to be away from the class. The incident suggested to him that more formalized interactions among the schools might be possible. Valuing positive behaviors In order for pupils to learn the value of good citizenship, "there needs to be systems in place that are positive in terms of reward, positively recognizing appropriate behavior," SDJA¹s Acheatel says. San Diego Jewish Academy does this "through assemblies and recognitions in our weekly communications," he adds. "We try to 'catch' kids doing things right by establishing awards, and special recognition activities." Opportunities also are provided for SDJA students to perform acts of chesed (kindness). Besides their work at the VIP preschool, they engage in environmental clean-ups and help feed the homeless at St. Vincent de Paul. With Congregation Beth Israel operating an ongoing project in conjunction with St. Vincent de Paul, its Beth Israel Day School students also are involved in combating hunger. In addition, Raben notes, the students regularly visit seniors at Seacrest Village Retirement Communities and perform various tzedakah projects. Weiser says he teaches Soille students that the injunction in Leviticus to "love one's neighbor as oneself" is related to the concept of food that may be gathered in a pasture. More than liking someone who happens to live nearby, the idea is to help provide sustenance for another. Students are encouraged to "be the type of person who offers something positive and sustaining to those around us," Weiser says. "Derech eretz is a universal language of the Jewish people," the rabbi adds. "The issue is can we differ and remain respectful of each other. That is what makes us concerned about the well-being of a Jew thousands of miles away." Peikes says derech eretz also is what can transform team members' behavior in competitive sports. Torah High School's girls are forming life-long friendships. When they play together on the school's basketball team, although they want to play well, their friendship and regard for each other is more important to them than the score. "It's not a question of 'why is this person playing; we could lose the game,'" the rabbi said. "The hallmark is unity." Discipline in Jewish schools Even with good role models and lessons that emphasize derech eretz, some students are going to fall short of the mark. Some will have behavior problems and need discipline. The Jewish day schools give a tremendous amount of thought to just how behaviors should be corrected. "You have to preserve the child's dignity even when he is being reprimanded," comments Chabad's Lerner. "You don¹t want to destroy a child's self-esteem in the process of remediating behavior." Rabbi Weiser says sometimes an unruly middle school student who is sent to his office will act disrespectfully toward him. "I ask the child if I have acted toward him in any way that makes him angry. The kid will say 'no' and then I will say, 'Okay, let¹s talk about what the problem is.' "Kids spend a lot of time in school, and sometimes they will get angry in school. With the right type of environment, kids learn to complain in a way that is respectful, to seek resolution of being wronged in a respectful way." Raben says when he meets with a student requiring discipline, he tries to clarify for the student that "this is an example where you didn't show respect" or "where you didn't make your best effort." He ties the matter under discussion back to the concepts taught with the TORAH acronym. Says Acheatel of SDJA: "We need to make sure that the child understands what was inappropriate, what he did, why it was inappropriate and what would be an appropriate consequence. The consequence is as important as the discussion. ... Depending on the infraction, it might range from loss of lunch recess to being removed from school, with a lot in between such as detention. If we have students fighting, it might include apologies to each other, or to a group of students. It also, for sure, will result in at least one day of suspension." Torah High's Peikes says of his students: "They are teenagers and there may be lapses, some inadvertent and some intentional. The main element is to focus them on their behavior and the pain or anguish that they may have caused inadvertently, and to make peace between the two students." The value of derech eretz In a county that has had more than its share over the years of public school students bringing weapons to school to "settle" old scores, one benefit of students learning to respect and befriend each other is obvious: it cuts down on the likelihood of violence. Derech eretz at the same time helps to create a positive environment in which students can excel both in their religious and in their secular studies. However, each of the five Jewish day school administrators would tell you, derech eretz not only is important for the benefits it brings, but because it is, in itself, a satisfying and ennobling way to conduct one's life. "The primary issue is how we conduct ourselves, not just what we teach," observes Lerner. "Teaching is theoretical, conduct is real." |
