2005-12-01-Hebonics

Unidentified researchers—what, you want their names?—report that "In Hebonics, the response to any question is usually another question, plus a complaint that is implied or stated. Thus... How are you?' may be answered, 'How should I be with my feet?'"

They've found that Hebonics is a superb linguistic vehicle for expressing sarcasm or skepticism. An example is the repetition of a word with "sh" or shm" at the beginning: "Mountains, shmountains. Stay away. You want a nosebleed?"

Another Hebonics pattern is moving the subject of a sentence to the end, with its pronoun at the beginning: "It's beautiful, that dress."

Another example you want? There is the case of the Hebonics verb moved to the end of the sentence. Thus the response to a remark such as 'He's slow as a turtle,' could be: "Turtle, shmurtle! Like a fly in Vaseline he walks."

Examples of answering questions with questions you want? So who's asking?

Question: "What time is it?"

English answer: "Sorry, I don't know."
Hebonic answer: "What am I, a clock?"

Remark: "I hope things turn out okay."

English response: "Thanks."
Hebonic response: "I should BE so lucky!"

Remark: "Hurry up. Dinner's ready."

English response: "Be right there."
Hebonic response: "Alright already, I'm coming. What's with the 'hurry' business? Is there a fire?"

Remark: "I like the tie you gave me; I wear it all the time."

English response: "Glad you like it."

Hebonic response: "So what's the matter; you don't like the other ties I gave you?

Remark: "Sarah and I are engaged."

English response: "Congratulations!"
Hebonic response: "She could stand to gain a few pounds."

Question: "Would you like to go riding with us?"

English answer: "Just say when."

Hebonic answer: "Riding, shmiding! Do I look like a cowboy?"

To guest of honor at his birthday party:

English remark: "Happy birthday."
Hebonic remark: "A year smarter you should become."

Remark: "A beautiful day."

English response: "Sure is."

Hebonic response: "So the sun is out; what else is new?"

Answering a phone call from son:

English remark: "It's been a long time since you called."

Hebonic remark: "You didn't wonder if I'm dead yet?