As retold by Bruce Lowitt

An old man walks into a church, and goes for a confession.  The priest pulls back the window, and the old man says: "Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I am 80 years old and I was walking home from the library the other day and two college girls stopped their car and said they were on spring break and  needed directions and we got into a discussion and they offered
to drive me home and on the way one of them asked me the last time I'd had sex and I told them it had been years and she said would I like to have some fun and before I knew it the three of us were in my apartment and I had the most magnificent sex for two nights and the day between and they're still there waiting for me and promised they'd show me things I never even knew a
man and woman could do. And that's why I've come to confession."

And the priest asks, "When was the last time you went to confession?"

And the old man says, "Actually, this is the first time."

And the priest says, "You're 80 years old and this is your first confession? Why now?"

And the old man says, "Because I'm Jewish."

And the priest asks, "In that case, why are you telling me?"

And the old man says, "I'm telling everybody."