By Bruce Lowitt

There's the joke about the old guys at the retirement home who have told each other the same jokes so often that they've assigned numbers to them. So when a guy says "Thirty-seven," they all remember it and laugh.

The set-up is that, when a stranger sees this but has no idea what's going on, he decides to try to become one of the guys, so he randomly picks a number and says, "Nineteen." No one laughs.

The punch line is: One guy looks at him and says, "You told it wrong."

With that in mind ...  (Click on the punch line if you don't already know the joke): 

1. "Funny, you don't look Jewish."
2. "Start worrying. Details to follow."
3. "What, you're coming empty-handed?"
4. "It was obvious."
5.  "No, we throw it in the air. Whatever God wants, He'll keep."
6. "Oy, Vas I toisty."
7. A Coke? You call that a breakfast?"
8. "My Herbie pays a doctor $500 an hour and all he talks about is me."
9. "No, not the dentist. The other one."
10. "Yeah, but this wallet, you stroke it a few times and it turns into a briefcase."
11. "Because I didn't want my mouth should be filled with food in case you should call."
12. "A dentist, a doctor and a lawyer—all this naches, and from just one daughter!"
13. "So you're single?"
14. "How soon do you have to know?"
15. "I didn't recognize you."
16. "Schwartz died. Buick for sale."
17. "I can't remember where I live!"
18. "Give him your underpants."
19. "But look how nice the suit fits."
20. "Aha, now you're talking business."
21.  "I make a living."
22. "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant where we ate last night?"
23. "A quarter to three."
24. "I bet these would go great with cream cheese and lox!"
25. "He will."
26. "Does this mean you're not coming over to make dinner?"
27. "Is anything okay?"
28. "Think of the odds we'll get on Yom Kippur."
29. "Mr. Katz."
30. "I must have diabetes."
31. "This place is amazing! You order a baked apple, and look what it comes with.."
32.  ... he cut off the end of the tailpipe.
33. "No, I think I'll just wait for the police."
34. "What's the matter? You didn't like the other one?"
35.  "Look, do you want to play golf or do you want to screw around?"
36.  "I'm telling everybody."
37. "Goy."
38. "Iceberg, Goldberg, what's the difference?"
39. "Let me see that map again."
40. "Well, it worked this time, but what are we going to do to get them to come down for Rosh Hashanah?"
41. "Whenever you die, it'll be a Jewish Holiday."
42. "So why didn't you tell me the dog was Orthodox?"
43. "This you call a lining?"
44. "What's a brucha?"
45. "Now you go to sleep and let him pace the floor."
46. "Chutzpah!"
47. "You charge about half of that for an office visit. Where else could we do this for $60 and get $48 back from Medicare?"
48. "Come back Tuesday."
49. "Speaking."
50.  "I assume the garden has been dug up. Now you can start to plant your garden. It's the best I could do from here."
51. "You mean I can videotape Kol Nidre?"
52. "I didn't want them to see that I was a wasp."
53. "There was a hat."
54. "So look who thinks he's nothing."
55. "Where did your people eat for a thousand years?"
56. "So did my arthritis."
57. "Family, shmamily. I'm Sarah Finkel! My doctor tells me nothing!"
58. "A circumcision is never intended to kill."
59. "Actually, it was Moses, but business is business."
60. "My dog is dead."
61. "It's three carats."
62. "But where else in New York could I park my car for a month for $250?"
63. "Morris! For the third time, yes, I heard you!"
64. "Like I'm talking to a wall."
65. "Put the siddur away. Our prayers have been answered."
66. "You didn't send the checks? Don't worry, they'll find us."
67. "I like ours a lot better."
68. "Great! We'd like to register here for our wedding."
69. "Who's he going to tell?"
70. "I learned my name is Irving."
71. "So I gave him back his $5!"
72. "My wife is from Minsk."
73. "From here it's a local call."
74. "You Jews. All you think about is money."
75. "I'll take ten."