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By Sheila Orysiek
 SAN DIEGO—On August 4, 2007, I interviewed Mary Loera for San Diego Jewish World, as she began her quest to regain her lost heritage and rejoin the community from which she believes her family was torn as they fled from Spain under the Expulsion edict of 1492. Mary and I had met a year earlier in the kitchen of Temple Emanu-El as we baked Hamentaschen together. She represented to me not only a new friend, but a living descendant of a resplendent – and tragic – era of Jewish history. I have always found this history engrossing. The Jews of Sepharad/Spain spread out across the world to every continent and changed history.
On July 31, 2009, the fulfillment of Mary’s journey “back” and yet “forward” was completed as she stood on the Bima, held the Torah in her arms and plighted her troth to the Covenant at Sinai. As with any life altering journey, Mary’s road had some up hills as well as some transcendent moments. But along the way she had people to hold her hand, brush off some dust from the road, give her some cool water, and wish her well. She needed no urging – that came from her heart.
Rabbi Martin S. Lawson prepares his candidates with a rigorous set of challenges: essays to write, classes to attend, books to read, and one-on-one counseling. This is not only to eventually meet with the Beit Din, but also so that there is ample opportunity to examine one’s heart and soul as well as test and taste one’s own commitment. Mary’s commitment to the goal never wavered.
Following are her thoughts as she looks back upon this journey and forward to the rest of her life on her chosen path.
Q. I scarcely know where to start – but I don’t want to begin with the beginning because we covered that in our previous interview which will be linked to this one. Since that last interview you’ve come a long way from rolling out dough for Hamentaschen. In fact, you have integrated yourself fully into the life of our synagogue. Tell me about some of the activities of which you are a part.
Mary-Miriam: I am the Mitzvah chair for the Temple Sisterhood, volunteer in the Gift Shop, help with ushering and taking tickets at High Holy Days activities. I also prepared our new Temple prayer books. I organize the Hamentaschen baking – and whatever else is needed – envelope stuffing, etc.
(Mary has also been on the Sisterhood board since its inception and has stood outside on several cold rainy nights to direct cars as congregants arrived for services at the Methodist church we used while our new Sanctuary was being constructed. She is involved in many other activities such as fund raising – rummage sales – for the Sisterhood.)
Q. Did any of those activities influence how you viewed Judaism?
Mary-Miriam: I enjoy being Mitzvah chair – it enables me to express condolences and/or bring joy to people by sending a card.
Q. Did anything surprise you?
Mary-Miriam: I don't think so – I got to participate in the behind the scenes part of many projects. I know that someone has to prepare the prayer books – stamp them – there's lots of "in the trenches types of work."
Q. Did those activities change your life view?
Mary-Miriam: I appreciate having a place to put my time and commitment.
Q. Did it make you see Jews differently or see yourself differently?
Mary-Miriam: I think it helped me to become more of a caring person rather than worrying about myself all the time. It gave me a chance to help out and I like that.
Q. In any life changing event there are bound to be days when one feels overwhelmed….tell me about that…..
Mary-Miriam: I felt a bit overwhelmed sitting in front of three rabbis at the Beit Din. Not so much nervous but a bit in awe and afraid that they would ask me a question I wouldn't know the answer to.
Q. How did you handle it….what made you go on…where did you find the strength?
Mary-Miriam: The rabbis at the Beit Din were very nice and when I didn't seem to be on the same tangent as they were– I didn't quite understand the question – they gave me a hint to help and that made it easier and calmed me down. They were helping me to understand the question - clarify it. It's like when you look at a crossword puzzle and the word is "hot" but it could mean a temperature or spicy.
Q. Did your life change outside of Temple activity?
Mary-Miriam: I got older! (laughing) In the process I did get older.
Q. Do you think it aged you?
Mary-Miriam: (still laughing) No, but I do think it enlightened me.
Actually, I feel calmer. Yes, it did change me. I think now honesty is much more important to me. I've always been a person who does what she says she is going to do – follow through. But I have also learned more how to pace myself. Not to commit to too many things because if you want to do a good job you can't spread yourself too thin.
Honesty is saying "yes, I will do the job" – and doing it as opposed to saying "yes, I'll help out" and then not turning up.
Q. Did your circle of friends change outside of Temple activity? Did you get any negative feedback?
Mary-Miriam: Not very much. Most of my friends are supportive.
Q. Did you get any negative feedback from people around you?
Mary-Miriam: I did in the beginning – but not anymore – they are still my friends. We might not be as involved with each other. There were only two of my friends who asked "Are you sure this is what you want to do?" That was the end of it. I told them we are still going to be friends – we will just go to religious services on different days. And there are some I haven't really talked to about it. I had just one anti-Semitic experience. My family all know about my conversion but it doesn't affect them.
Q. Tell me about your Mikvah experience?
Mary-Miriam: It was wonderful – it was after the Beit Din. You go into this lovely dressing room where all the toiletries are – the lights are kind of dim. You get yourself ready. Then you go into a room which I imagined was going to be very sterile, but it has soft lights, a chair – a table and a lamp and the walls are a golden color. The Mikvah has blue tile and is like a big Jacuzzi – rectangular – has seven steps down. They don't use chlorine – they use a salt – so you float. It doesn't smell. The lady told me it is not easy to get
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your whole body under the water. You get a couple of practice dunks. You are not allowed to let your feet touch the bottom. The water has to come up over your head – your hair can't be floating on the top. And it's warm.
Then there's a plug that has to be pulled out from a tank so the water will flow – and be "moving" water. I recommend it to every one. As soon as they build one down here (San Diego) I want to go.
Q. Its only one person at a time?
Mary-Miriam: Yes, unless you have a young child. It's not very large – only about twice the size of a dining room table. And the rabbis all come into the room but they stand behind a curtain which comes to about four inches up from the floor so you can see their feet and they recite prayers and listen to my prayers. The three prayers I had to recite are written down so I didn't have to memorize it. My friend, Janet Pollack, came with me and she got to sit down in the chair while I was in the Mikvah.
Q. Tell me about the Beit Din experience?
Mary-Miriam: It was a bit scary. The three rabbis were sitting there in front. My rabbi, Martin Lawson, was there, and my husband and my friend. They were sitting behind me like an audience. I can't tell you how long it took – maybe only ten minutes – but it seemed like an eternity.
Q. Did you feel well prepared?
Mary-Miriam: Yes, even though I stumbled a couple of times. They asked me about the meaning of Passover and I told them it was a time to be with family, and we had left Egypt. But they kept asking – they wanted something more – and Rabbi Lawson said "Come on, Mary, you are killing me here!" And then I said "because now we are free." And that's what they were looking for.
Q. At Shabbat services right before the Gerut ceremony – tell me about the evening as a whole.
Mary-Miriam: It was wonderful. It was nice to be out doors – we were having Shabbot under the stars. I had invited a number of people – not all of them were Jewish and some were from other Temples. Deborah Doucet (also experiencing her Gerut ceremony at the same time) and I got to open the Ark doors for Shabbot so it was like a warm-up for the Gerut ceremony.
There were twice as many people as were expected. It met all my expectations and some of it I remember clearly and some of it is a blur. There is a video of it but I haven't been able to see it yet – computer problems.
Q. As you stood on the Bima, with your family, friends, and Temple congregants looking on……what did you think?
Mary-Miriam: At last! I am part of this at last. I didn't think it would make that big of a difference, but it has. I'm trying to work on some things with myself. I want to get rid of pettiness – that's what I'm working on right now. It's so easy to be petty.
It's a long history of which to be a part….
Mary-Miriam: Yes, it is. Part of me is sad that the other people in my family don't understand this and don't get the connection to our family history. Why out of three children am I the only who gets it? It is unimportant to them. But I did this conversion just for me.
Q. Do you feel different?
Mary-Miriam: I feel calmer. I've come this far – now the pressure is off. Now I can concentrate on reading more and I want to take the rabbi's classes this fall and I want to do the B'nai Mitzvah class when he has it again. I would feel even closer to Judaism – like another piece of the puzzle. It's a long class – but the rabbi had mentioned it to me. And I'm interested.
Q. You are a regular attendee at Torah Study on Saturday mornings…the next morning in Torah study….tell me about that?
Mary-Miriam: I was given a cookie bouquet and I brought it to Torah Study to share. I volunteer to read more now. I'm more able to participate. I'm more of a listener. It will be a long time until I am able to ask any meaningful questions.
Q. How did you chose the name Miriam?
Mary-Miriam: I chose Miriam when the Rabbi suggested it as being close to Mary. I have come to call myself Mary-Miriam or just MM and I like it a lot!! It sort of fits me!!
Q. Looking back upon the last couple of years, is there anything you would do differently? Or you wish had been different?
Mary-Miriam: It seemed like it was a lot longer than just over two years. But, I'm not sure I'd want it to have been faster because you kind of have to grow into it. It seemed a lot longer than the two plus years. I would write two essays and then came in to talk to the rabbi, but when I came in he would ask me about the two essays I had written six months ago – and that was difficult.
Q. You and I have talked a lot about the history you represent and the splendid culture from which you are descended. Your thoughts……
Mary-Miriam: I am still curious about my grandmother's history and her name. My family in Panama is devout Catholic. I am having trouble tracing it because it might be from my grandmother's side which means her maiden name is different. I like being part of the Sephardic history. And even though we are such a small percentage of the American population – we have to be a good – worthy - part of it. (Convicted financier Bernie} Madoff really embarrassed me. I feel like a joint guilt.
Q. In our first interview which was published on August 4, 2007 - this was one day past the deadline of the Expulsion edict of 1492 – your thoughts…..
Mary-Miriam: There are no accidents. That's what I wanted to say if I had been asked to say something from the Bima.
Q. And then the date for your Gerut ceremony was set for July 31, which was the original date set for the Expulsion edict – but after begging for more time the Jews of Sepharad/Spain were given three more days…..your thoughts on that coincidence…..
Mary-Miriam: It's definitely a meaningful coincidence. Like it was beckoning me. I feel like there was a joint "Hooray" from all those people lying under the ground. Maybe that's kind of silly. It's one of those things inside of you which you don't think about until it comes out.
Q. Anything else you would like to say?
Mary-Miriam: I couldn't be happier – and I'm sorry it took this long. But I think things happen when they happen for a reason and it could be that having to work that hard, wait that long, and anticipate that long makes it more meaningful.
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