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By Sheila Orysiek
 SAN DIEGO—By the early 1960’s several of the elders – patriarchs and matriarchs – of the Bella Family Circle had either gone to their eternal rest, or were obviously in the latter years of their lives. The family was becoming more and more extended. It was suggested by Cousin Annie (Sunshine/Bulletin Chairman) that it would be a good idea to draw up a comprehensive Family Tree while we still could tap into the memories and knowledge of the Bella Family Circle Founders. This was proposed, seconded and approved, with no dissenting vote from the forty members (in good standing) attending the monthly meeting.
The World Famous Bella Family Circle Organizing Committee appointed a Family Tree Committee to oversee the work and find members able and willing to actually do the research. Cousin Annie – as resident typist (using her expertise as Bulletin Chairman) would type up the result. However, getting this organized and typed was the easy part.
The hard part was keeping everyone happy. Before the finished product could be approved as “appropriate and accurate” lengthy discussions were held and as usual the difficulties were in the details. How to indicate those who were listed as blood descendants of Great Grandmother Bella? If they were indicated by underlining their names whilst those who had married into the family had an asterisk by their name would there be an outcry by the “asterisked” people that an asterisk meant “afterthought” and therefore was a lesser order of mishpucha than someone whose name was underlined? On the other hand an asterisk could make a name look more important and therefore perhaps only blood descendants should have an asterisk – and everyone else neither an asterisk nor an underline.
Maybe a parenthesis for those who had married into the family, but then a parenthesis might be taken to mean “unimportant.” This was eclipsed by the problem of whether the name of a spouse of a descendant should be under or alongside the descendant’s name. Should a divorce be indicated? That was quickly hushed up; there was only one divorce in the family – and no one wanted to talk about it. How should a death be listed? Perhaps a simple “D” but others might want “May his/her memory be a blessing.” Anything less was disrespectful. The idea that Patriarch Uncle Israel’s name should only have a “D” was unthinkable.
Some people were known by their Hebrew names. My father, Herman, was universally known as “Hymie” a diminutive of his Hebrew name “Chaim.” Would anyone know who “Herman” was? Other people were known only by their nicknames:
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would anyone know that Aunt Essie was not a nickname for Esther but Eleanor? Should those more familiar names be indicated - and how?
Two aunts who had married into the family shared the same exact first and last name (they had married two brothers). So, it was decided to call them “Aunt Rose, the Elder” and “Aunt Rose, the Younger.” Prickly feelings were assuaged by assuring the Elder that it didn’t really mean she was older (though she was) but had married into the family earlier (which she had). The Younger was just happy to be younger. Someone suggested “senior” and “junior” but that opened up a whole new can of worms: senior to whom and junior to what?
In all the years (now well over sixty-five) of the existence of the Bella Family Circle it came closest to a fatal contretemps when Cousin Eileen – who had married into the family – insisted that since her own relatives were from a very prominent Jewish family in Russia and they should all be included in the Family Tree. Over her tears and protestations declaring the fame of her ancestors (with which no one disagreed) the Family Tree Committee tried to explain to her that this tree was not about her family, but about her husband’s family. She couldn’t (wouldn’t) understand that. She claimed that if her family wasn’t included it meant that after all these years of loyalty and devotion, attending meetings, paying her dues, helping with cooking for the Annual Picnic, etc., they didn’t really love her.
So, it was suggested that she should type up her own family tree and staple it to her copy of the Bella Family Circle Family Tree – and if she wanted to she could give out copies. Face was saved, tears were dried and peace restored.
But where to put Great Grandmother Bella’s name? It seemed obvious it should go at the top of the title page – picture of a tree with her name crowning it. But logically since she was the root of the family, her name could also go at the bottom of the tree. This ignited gasps of shock, tears of sorrow, claims of disrespect counterpoised against arguments based on logic.
The real gift of the Bella Family Circle was the ability to compromise between both traditional respect and logic. So, for those for whom it was an issue they could put her name both at the top of the tree and at the bottom each with an asterisk saying: “see below/see above.”
In those pre-computer days and limited electric typewriter ownership, Cousin Annie used her regular hand powered typewriter. And it is because of her suggestion and work that I have a copy of the finished product. It is a testament to the compromises which produced it. The people whose names appear on the pages still live within me.
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